


Of the things you left behind

by innsaei



Series: Chasing stars [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!, kuroken - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Angst, M/M, Moving On, Reminiscing, Science Fiction, kuroken brainrot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:13:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25064470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innsaei/pseuds/innsaei
Summary: Kenma learned of loss in muted silence. It was all the goodbyes in the world being said to him at once by a man who left without uttering a single farewell.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: Chasing stars [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815274
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30
Collections: Kuroken





	Of the things you left behind

Kenma taped the last brown box as the packers moved around quietly grunting every now and then under the weight of the boxes. They were about to be done and one of the trucks had slowly started reversing outside, the hum of the engine filtering in through the slightly ajar door. He got up brushing aside the stray strand of hair that was covering his eyes and turned around to look back one last time.

_ This was it. _

His lips quivered as the sunlight that trailed behind him illuminated the sorrow that clouded his eyes. Denial had helped him wake up every day for the past fifteen years until one day he felt the pain run through his veins freezing him to the spot. He wasn’t coming back and Kenma had been running from the truth for so long.

He had to go. Living in the same house where they had first fallen in love was suffocating and his scent still lingered in traces ripping through Kenma’s heart every moment. And somewhere in the corner, where he had kept his favourite journal before leaving, Kenma’s mother had placed the flowers. The sickly heavy scent of lilies as it lay there glaringly standing out against the grey wall. It wasn’t beautiful, the way the stamens had been removed and edges of the petals had started to wilt. It reminded Kenma of goodbyes and he had an incredible urge to fling it away as far as possible. It was not befitting for Kuroo.

Kuroo with his funny hair that Kenma loved to ruffle while laying together on lazy days. Kuroo with his warm hazel eyes that were a melt of autumn undertones fending off winter’s frost, filled with mirth and raw intelligence. Kuroo with his bone-crushing hugs that used to engulf the whole of Kenma’s being along with his pain and joy. Kuroo with Kenma’s love and heart. 

Goodbyes were not befitting for Tetsurou but try as he could, Kenma could not lie to the feeling that had settled in his heart.

It had been years since Kuroo left on Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency’s most ambitious mission yet, one that he had been the mastermind of. A search for another planet, a venture into another solar system. Kenma had got one last message from him transmitted through light-years and space before Kuroo had gone into Hypersleep. He could recite every word of that message even in his sleeping moments and deep down, Kenma never questioned why Kuroo never told Kenma to wait.

There were no promises made. Kenma doesn’t like unkept promises and Kuroo knew it all too well but right now, Kenma would have settled even for a lie. 

Kuroo’s oversized sweater drowned his small frame as he pushed up the sleeves to his elbow. He felt his heart crack into bits as his eyes fell on the empty space where there was once a bookcase filled with Tetsurou’s books, the hole in the wall an empty reminder of the frame that once hung there. A picture from the first time they moved in. Kuroo had set up a timer camera and without warning, scooped up Kenma from his gaming chair into his arms. The flash had gone off and it had perfectly captured a half scowling Kenma with Kuroo widely grinning at him, his forehead slightly bumping into Kenma’s. 

He walked slowly towards their bedroom, now incredibly vast and lonely. The bed that had once felt too small when both their bodies would lay there entangled had started to feel cold and stiff. It was haunting for Kenma to lay there alone at night without a warm arm wrapped around his waist, jet black hair tickling his nape every now and then. He was leaving it here. It was too painful to carry it to his new apartment.

The water didn’t flow anymore from the small fountain Kuroo had set up in the mini garden outside. It had long dried up and the sea glasses glimmered in the sunlight, flashing blinding lights every now and then. They had spent countable nights laying on the grass around it as Kenma listened with rapt attention to the words that tumbled out of Kuroo’s mouth. About stars, exoplanets, galaxies, blackholes and moons that made up Kuroo’s world. He would turn around every now and then to press his lips softly onto Kuroo’s, interrupting his grand speech. And every time Kuroo would smile at his small frame on earth, the only root holding him back from disappearing into space.

But it was never enough and Kenma knew it all along. 

He slowly pulled out the ring hung on a chain around his neck and rubbed the initials engraved on it as the first teardrop fell from his eyes and touched the cold hard ground. 

_ Kuroo.  _

He softly called out into the emptiness that threatened to drown him. Like all these years, there is no reply. It’s a muted roar of silence and a cascading waterfall of pain. 

When people leave, the ones left behind go to their resting places and call out to the ones buried 6 feet under. But Kenma could never do that. For the man he loved was light-years away, drifting in space and even the sheer ferocity of the sobs that racked his body could not close the gap that lay between them, it could not bring Kuroo back.

_ Tetsurou, _

_ I have recorded and sent thousands of messages out to space, each time a little more in despair. They stay the same in cadence with changes in the way I speak. But you see, it comes down to one thing. I miss you. You should be here. You should be waking up next to me and I should be wrapped up in your arms resting my heavy head on your chest. I don’t care if I sound selfish. Fuck the world and how humans need another planet. I miss you and I want you.  _

_ I told you to never lie to me. But you did, didn’t you? You said that when stars die, they become a supernova. Burning ever so brightly, lighting up galaxies. Then tell me. Come back and explain to me again why my sky is pitch-black and devoid of the light. For all the nights you taught me about the stars, I knew of only one and he was next to me. _

Kenma felt it the day he saw Tooru cry while looking up at the sky. It almost did look like a graveyard of stars and that was the first time, he had felt the icy chill of a string being snapped into two. It was a grief that surged with every expelled breath, rising higher and higher like an incoming tide, the howling of the wind mis-wiring all his synapses. He had known then. In its painful clarity that numbed the heat in his heart and snubbed out the light in his eyes.

_ Kuroo wasn’t coming back.  _

_ He had found his place among the stars. _

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually a spin off from my Iwaoi fic "Chasing stars". I really wanted to write Kenma's Pov but couldn't include it there so I had to make a new one. it's my first kuroken work and it's tragic that I had to make it an agnsty one. maybe I'll write a longer one, focusing more on their relationship later but for rn I'll just drop this here. Other than that, I hope you guys like it and please do give Chasing stars a read.  
> you can follow me @lovingoikawa_ on twitter and we can yell together over our favourite boys.


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